


Things I Can't

by mustylarrysex



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2014-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-30 14:02:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1019492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mustylarrysex/pseuds/mustylarrysex





	1. Hidden

I felt her lips traveling down my neck, the uncomfortable feeling punishing me for what I've done. What I did was wrong, completely wrong. I deserve this. 

Her hands began to travel down my back and under my shirt, trying to tug it up and over my head. This wasn't anything new for us, by now I've gotten used to taking my clothes off with her. It's just when we get to the point where something is actually going to happen, I back out. 

Not this time. 

This time what I did was really, really bad. I'm in need of a severe punishment for this one. 

I felt the words slip out of my mouth, words I knew I would regret as soon as I said them.

But I deserve this. I need to understand what I did was wrong.

"What do you want me to do for you?" I whispered, trying to make the words come out as seductive as I could. 

If she found out about me I would be dead. She can't find out.

She moaned as I ran my hands down her bare back, the tender touches meaning nothing to me.

"Touch me." she ordered, forcing me to make my hands travel up and down her body. How bad this made me feel was indescribable. No one would understand if I tried to tell them. I'm going to have to deal with this, for the rest of my life.

"Harry, I need you, now." she said with heavy breathes, her nails clawing at my bare back. I watched as she struggled to pull my boxers down my legs, my eyes shut tight, holding back the oncoming tears. 

I have to do this.

I positioned myself at her entrance, ready to do what I've been dreading to do for a while now. I felt her arms around my neck, urging me to be closer to her. 

That's when I started questioning myself. Was what I did really wrong? I can't help my feelings. It's not my fault.

Something my best friend, Drew, told me changed my mind instantly. 

"It's not natural for someone to be that way, that's not how God wanted it. He wouldn't have made Adam and Eve if he meant for two men to be together." 

Those sentences floated through my head before making my final decision.

"I'm sorry." I said, backing off the bed with my hands clamped to the back of my neck. 

"What the fuck, Harry? This is the third time you've done this!" Vanessa said, sitting up on her elbows to face me. 

I just couldn't go through with it. It isn't that I changed my mind about how I felt about who I am, I'm just not ready to go through something like this just yet. I think I understand now, that I have to be with a girl. I have to marry a girl, and I have to start a family with a girl. Which means I have to have sex with a girl, multiple times. I just have to, and there's no changing that. 

What I am is unnatural, it's not right.

 

\------ Earlier That Day -------

 

"Harry! Get up! It's 7:00! You're going to be late for school!" I heard my mom shout from her bedroom. I had my long legs curled up close to me, a pillow snuggled up to my chest. I heard the sounds of little footsteps traveling around my room, and the next thing I knew there was a small body flinging itself on me.

"Hawey! Wake up! Mommy said you're gonna be late!" Libby, my little sister, screamed. Her small hands pounding at my chest, causing me to groan. I placed my hands on her shoulders, lifting her off of me, laying her in the bed. My fingers traveled to her sides, tickling her. Little squeaks left her mouth, a smile spreading across her face.

"Hawey! Hawey, stop! Hawey!" she yelled, slapping my face with her tiny palms. I kissed her forehead, and rolled off my bed. I wasn't in anything but a pair of basketball shorts, my hair a mess in my face. I took a look at my tattoo just above my stomach, smiling at the fact that it's one of the only things I've done on my own. My mom doesn't know about it yet, and I don't intend for her to know about it any time soon. The meaning of it would be something that I don't want anyone to know, ever.

I walked over to my dresser, taking out a pair of dark blue jeans, a white v-neck and a big black sweatshirt. I pulled a pair of my worn-out Vans from my closet. I made sure my sister left my room, I stripped off. Heading into the bathroom in my room, I turned on the hot water and stepped in the shower, letting the water fall down my body. 

It's just another day. Another day with my girlfriend, another day with my three best friends. 

Another day hiding who I am.

I've been through it for four years already, I think I can make it through another day. 

I just have to make sure I don't break any of my rules. Or I'll get myself in some trouble.

 

\--

 

"Harry! It's eight-fucking-thirty! You're late for school, and I have to go to work! You're going to have to find a ride without me!" My mom shouted from the kitchen. My mom can be a tough person. Overall, I'd say she's pretty loving, though. But sometimes she just gets pushed too far, and needs to relax a bit. 

"Mom! Libby's home!" I shouted back, pissed at the fact that she would curse in front of Libby like that. I would never want Libby to be exposed to that kind of stuff at such an early age.

I walked over to my bookshelf, opening a shoe box and pulling out a delicately made flower crown. I turned it in my hands, checking to make sure all the little white flowers were still intact, before sliding it onto my hair. I tucked the ends of it behind my ears, and checked myself out in the mirror. I smiled, before pulling away.

As I turned around, I saw Libby standing at my door. 

"Hawey! Did you make me my crown yet?" She said, walking up to my shoe box and peering in for her requested pink flower crown.

"Yeah, baby." I said, pulling it from the inside the drawer of my computer desk. I firmly placed it in her hair, watching as her smile grew, looking at herself in the mirror.

"Thank you Hawey! I love you!" She yelled, running over to me with her hands wrapped around my legs.

"You're welcome." I said, laughing, "Just remember what I told you. I can't make you anymore if you tell Mommy that you're getting them from me." 

"I haven't been! I told her I got them from school!" She said, smiling, clearly proud of her actions.

I pulled my hood over my head, something I usually did to cover up my crown, and took Libby's hand. I don't really want people to know that I like making and wearing them, I'm scared of what they'll think of me.

"Come on baby, lets take you to the bus stop." I said, leading Libby out the front door of the house.

It's become routine for me to have to take Libby to her bus stop everyday, since my mom has been leaving for work extra early. I would just walk her to the end of the street and wait with her until her bus comes. Sometimes I end up being late for school, but that doesn't matter, as long as my sister's safe. 

 

\--

 

"Hey baby!" Vanessa, my current girlfriend, said as she made her way over to me. I tried to ignore her by putting my head down nonchalantly. She didn't seem to notice or care, wrapping her arms around me in a tight embrace.

I looked around the halls, making sure at least someone was looking and seeing that I was with a girl. 

"Hey," I said quietly, slowly backing away from her. She came closer, bringing her hands to my neck and pulling me down so my lips met hers. The taste of her mouth burned on mine, it was like kissing a brick wall. I didn't feel anything, nothing at all. But I had to get used to it, because this is how I'm going to have to live for the rest of my life. 

I avoided eye-contact with her, hoping she wouldn't notice my lack-of-feeling. 

"What's wrong? Did I do something?" She asked, her palm cupping my cheek, pulling me to face her. 

"Nothing, just a bit tired that's all." I answered, the lie leaving my mouth so carelessly. 

"Alright. See you later?" She asked, her hand traveling down to the back of my neck.

"Yeah, sure." I muttered, still looking around the halls to make sure someone was witnessing this. 

I can't be called gay, ever. That will ruin me. 

She pulled my head down to hers once again, leaving a wet, slobbery kiss on my pink lips. I quickly pull away, turning around and walking to my first period. Huffing in disgust, I brought the back of my hand to my lips, wiping away the wetness still left. 

 

\--

 

"Harry! We're over here!" Justin, one of my best friends, called from across the cafeteria. I waved at them, taking note of where they were sitting before stuffing my sketch book into my backpack. I walked over to the table, setting my things down on the floor next to one of the vacant seats. 

"Where the fuck have you been?" Drew, another one of my close friends, asked from across the table. 

"Just finishing some classwork up in Chemistry." I answered, pulling out my lunch from my bag.

The real story is that I have been with my art teacher during my lunch periods, discussing some of my sketches and their meanings. My teachers name is Mrs. Smith, and I quite like her a lot. I feel that she understands my sketches more than other people. If I were to show them to Justin, Josh, or Drew they would definitely judge me. They don't even know I take an art class. 

"Okay bro, Are we still on for later tonight?" Josh asked, finishing his bag of chips before crumpling it up and throwing it in his tray.

"Oh, nah, sorry bro. My boss called earlier and said I have to take a shift tonight." I answered, taking a bite of my peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich.

I finished up my sandwich as the bell rang, grabbing my things and making my way out of the cafeteria. I saw a couple of weird looks from some of my pears, and I was guessing it was because my hood was on. My friends no longer really asked me about that, because it became a normal thing to see me with my hood on to them.

 

\--

 

I plug my headphones in my ear, playing the new "The 1975" album. I blasted it, my head thumping, nodding my head to the music.

I made my way down the sidewalk on my bike, riding down by the buildings and apartments in the city of London. I always liked the city, It's like the towers were alive, the lights blinding me as I rode down the sidewalk.

I pulled into the plaza where I worked, and parked my bike just in front of the music shop. I strode into the shop, hoping my boss wouldn't realized I was ten minutes late. 

"Harry! You're late!" Jimmy, my boss, yelled. Damn.

"I know! I'm sorry! Won't happen again! I yelled back, setting my bag down behind the register counter.

"I don't care! You're staying until closing time tonight, or you're not staying at all!" He bellowed. I sighed, taking some of the misplaced CD's from the cart and placing them in their correct areas.

 

\--

 

A couple of hours passed, and the music store was almost empty. The last customer just about finished paying when a male with black Vans, dark black skinny jeans with rips in the knees, a low-cut-tank-top with a black box on it, the words "New Wave" written in blue and pink neon colors filled it. He had a red beanie on his head, little curls of brown hair falling just above his forehead. A silver loop hung on the side of his lip, his tounge washing over it every once-in-a-while.

He looked phenomenal. 

I noticed he had a few tattoos on his arm, a deer head and a heart, but that's all I could see at the moment. I felt that I was staring. Dropping my head down to the register, I ripped the receipt and handed it to the customer, wishing her a good night. 

Fuck. I'm alone in the store with him. 

I noticed a bird on his forearm. What's the meaning of that one?

He walked over to the register, looking around the store on his way, his ocean-blue eyes peering up at me once he made it do the desk.

"Do you have the new The 1975 album?" He asked, his arms resting over the table, looking at me and waiting for an answer.

"Yeah," I answered, a little more breathless than I expected it to be. The stench of cigarettes and alcohol reeked from him, the slight stubble on his chin turning me on. 

No, I remind myself, I like girls.

I watched as he chuckled, looking around the store in search of the CD. Why would he laugh at me? 

I put my head down, forcing myself not to look up at him as I made my way around the register. 

"Follow me." I said, leading him to the New Releases section of the store.

"So, have you heard the album yet?" He asked from behind me, his voice causing my heart rate to increase rapidly. 

"I-Uh, Yeah." I said, not taking my answer any more in-depth. 

"What do you think of it, Harry?" He asked, still behind me as we made our way to the album.

"How do you know my name?" I said in defense, turning to face him. 

"You're name tag, babe. Calm down." He said, laughing at my sudden concern. Why would he laugh? Wait, did he call me babe?

I didn't reply to his answer, showing him where the disk was. He picked it up, looking at it as I stood next to him, completely silent. I lifted my head up, and peered at his face. His eyebrows were pushed together, examining the back of the CD. I'm staring now, I know I am, but I just can't seem to stop. His tongue began to play with the ring on his lip, flicking it every once-in-a-while. I've never been more aroused than I am right now. I dropped my hands down in between my legs, making sure my excitement wasn't obvious. His tongue licked all around the metal when I noticed he had another piercing, on the center of his tongue. My breath hitched as he turned towards me, eyeing up and down my body. 

"Calm down, nancy-boy." He said, a smirk forming on his face as he saw my hand attempting to cover my prominent bulge. 

Fuck.

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.

What did he call me?

"I-I'm gonna g-go back to the register." I stuttered, pointing backwards with my finger as I spoke. I turned around, taking a step before I heard words fall out of his beautiful mouth.

"You know, you can kiss me if you want." He said. I froze in my spot, turned around and looked at him with a confused look.

What?

"I uhh, I have a girlfriend." I said, not really sure as to if he was joking, or if he was completely serious.

"I'm joking, love." he laughed, picking up the CD, "I'll take this." 

I brought him to the register, ringing up his CD. Once I was finished, I placed the CD in a bag along with the receipt and handed it to him. 

"By the way, the names Louis." He said, taking the bag from me.

"Have a nice night, Louis." I said, smiling as he turned around. 

"You too, nancy-boy!" He shouted, walking out of the door, "Tell you're girlfriend I said hi!", he said laughing as he made his way to his car. 

I pulled out my phone, opening the "Google" app and typed in the words, "define nancy-boy".

Nancy-Boy: an effeminate or homosexual man.

I gasped, throwing my phone down on the table.

How does he know?

I picked my phone up again, sending a text to Vanessa. 

Meet me at my house in 20 minutes.

I need to be punished.


	2. Infatuation

It was another tear that fell down my face, onto the pillow, that woke me up. I stayed laid down on my back, my bare chest rising and falling rapidly thinking about last night. I should've gone through with it. She knows something is up now, and I don't know how much longer I can keep this whole charade up. I got up, sitting on the side of the bed with my face in my hands. I let out another quiet sob before pounding my fists on the sides of my head.

You have to deal with this. Suck it up. 

I thought to myself, knowing I really can't do anything about it. I took a breath in through my nose and out my mouth, trying to calm myself down. Pulling at my hair, I sobbed through clenched teeth, angrily getting up and slamming my fist into the dry wall. I grabbed my hand, holding it to my chest, clenching it with pain.

"Fuck." I whispered to myself, the pain overwhelming. 

When I turned back around, the presence of a little girl startled me.

"Hawey? What's wrong, Hawey?" she said, bringing her little feet across the floor until she was standing beside my bed. I nonchalantly wiped under my eyes, so the evidence that I was crying was no longer there. I knelt down to her, smiling.

"Nothing baby, go back to bed, everything's okay." I said, the smile still plastered on my face. I watched as her eyes glanced at the wall beside her, the prominent cracks showing that weren't there the day before. She then looked down at my hand, which had cuts filled with blood on the knuckles. 

"Hawey!", she shouted, taking my large, bloody hand with her two small hands gasping. She pulled me out of my room, telling me to sit on the couch.

"Stay here, I'm gunna go get somefing to wipe your hand." she said, scolding me before heading to the kitchen. I smiled at her, laughs leaving my mouth at her mature actions. She's only six, how would she know what to do in such a situation?

She came back with three bandages and a wet towel, climbing her way up on the couch to sit next to me. She took my hand, wiping it down before putting the bandages on each of my cuts. She then kissed each of them, putting my hand back in my lap.

"All better!", she said, smiling up at me. I smiled back at her, getting up to sit on my knees in front of her, so we were the same height.

"Thank you, Libby." I said, smiling. "Now, because you were such a good girl, do you want me to take you to the park today?" I said, as her face began to light up.

"Yes. yes!! Thank you!" She said, wrapping her arms around my neck, taking me in a tight embrace. I laughed, wrapping my large arms around her little body.

"Okay then, you need to go get dressed. Come to my room when you're ready!" I said, watching her run off to her room.

I put on my clothes, and picked out a flower crown filled with pink daises from the shoe box and carefully placed it on my head, making sure not to break any of the petals. I smiled, remembering how I specifically picked the pink daisies and placed them in my basket, careful not to pick any with bent petals. Thank God my mom never goes in the backyard, or she would know about my special hobby. I pulled my hoodie over my head, sure to cover right over the crown.

 

\--

 

"Hawey come and swing me!" Libby yelled from the swing sets, I smiled at her, getting up from the bench and making my way over to the play ground. I placed my hand on the small of her back, pushing her forward.

"Hawey, why can't I tell Mommy about your flower crowns?", she asked, the smile on my face fading. I made sure that I wasn't facing her, so that she wouldn't see my sudden change in emotion.

"Because it would make her sad." I replied, continuing to push her back and forth on the swing.

"Why would it make her sad?", she asked again, her head straight forward.

"Because, Libby, she doesn't understand me. Don't worry about it, I'll keep making you crowns as long as you don't tell her." I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Okay." she said, her tone switching from happy to sad in such a short period of time.

"I don't wanna swing anymore", she whined, turning her head around to face me. 

"Alright." I muttered, upset that she wasn't as happy as she was before she asked.

I let her play on the playground a bit more, and went to sit down on the bench once again. I pulled out my sketchbook, and looked through the pages. I saw the sketch I started last night, the words "Thing's I Can't'" drawn lightly in a strange font that I seemed to have invented. I decided to finish it up, bolding the lines and detailing it, thinking about the feelings I had when I sketched it. 

It was Louis. Louis was the cause of my late-night sketch. Louis was the reason my mind was racing 24/7. Ever since I saw him in the music store, he's been all I can think about. The way his eyes were so blue, compared to his tan skin and stubble on his chin. The way his hair fell over his forehead, a beanie barley sitting on his head. 

Oh, and don't forget that lip piercing and those tattoos. Holy shit. The things I thought about doing to that boy when he ran his tongue over the hoop hanging from his bottom lip. I want to trace every single one of his tattoo's with my fingertips, leaving light kisses as my fingers run down the dark lines. I want to know what it would feel like to be close to him, our bare bodies suffocating eachother, enough to feel each-others heart beats. I want to feel his hands down my back, up my chest, everywhere. I want to know what it would feel like to have his lips graze my skin, the cold metal sending shivers down my spine.

Oh damn, his lips.

I want his lips everywhere. 

"Hawey!" I heard a little girl shout, snapping me out of my deluded fantasies. 

I shouldn't think like that again, I can't think like that again.

"Yeah?" I said, answering her. She still seemed a bit upset, but I think she got over it for the most part. 

"How much time do I have before we go?",she questioned.

"Uhh, about 10, 15 minutes." I said, dropping my head back down the sketchbook, thinking about what I should draw next. I picked a pencil from my bag, turning to lean my back on the arm of the bench, propping my legs up in-front of me. I placed the sketchbook in my lap, touching the pencil to the paper and just started sketching what was on my mind. I started by drawing a bold heart on the side of the paper, adding antlers on each side of it. I continued to sketch by adding a deer head to the antlers.

Before I could notice, I drew an arm in which the sketch was on, down to the wrist, pushing the pencil deep into the paper once I realized what I was doing. I skid the pencil across the paper, dropping it down to the ground before stuffing my sketchbook back in my backpack.

Fuck. 

"Libby! Let's go!" I shouted, grabbing my things before holding my hand out for her. She sighed, grabbing it.

We walked out of the park, when I suddenly felt a vibration in my pocket. I picked it up, seeing that it was Justin. It's always kind of been Drew and Josh, and me and Justin. We got along more than I did with the other guys. I'm not sure why, It's always just kind of been that way. 

"Hello?" I said, one hand holding the phone to my ear and the other clasping Libby's hand.

"Hey, bro." Justin said, "We're gonna hang behind the public library later today, you down?"

"Yeah, sure man. Just let me drop my sister off at home and I'll meet you guys there." I said, finally making it back to our driveway. 

"Sounds good. See you." He said, before hanging up the phone. I slid it back into my pocket, placing my key in the door, opening it. Libby ran in, me following behind her.

"Take a shower!" I shouted, before heading to my room.

I placed my bag down on my bed, walking into my bathroom. I turned on the sink, watching the water flood in the bowl beneath it. I leaned forward, splashing some water on my face. I cleaned the water off of my face, placing my palms on the counter, leaning against it. I took a good look at myself in the mirror, taking a deep breath.

How am I supposed to deal with this? I can't help my thoughts, what I want and don't want. I haven't talked to Vanessa since last night, so she's probably pissed at me. Why can't I just be normal? Why does this have to happen to me? What's going to happen if someone finds out? It's not surprising that my mother is homophobic, I don't even know what she would do to me if she found out. I'd like to think she would love me either way, but I'm not sure that's the case. 

And what about Libby? What would she think of me? I can't have her think badly of me, I just can't. And my friends? Drew and Josh wouldn't be too happy. I'm not sure about Justin, but odds are that he would side with them. 

I'm not gay. I can't admit to myself that I am, or it will only make things worse. 

I took another deep breath, placing my hand on the handle of the bathroom, stepping out. I grabbed my backpack from my bed, kissing Libby goodbye before making it to the door. 

"Where do you think you're going?", my mom said, leaning on the counter beside the front door as she stared at me with her hands crossed. 

"Study session with the guys." I said, the door only a bit open before my mom interrupted my actions.

"Okay. But be home by 8." she said, turning around and heading back to the kitchen.

"Did you even see Libby today?" I asked, my eyebrows pulled together. 

"Yes, well, no, not technically. But she was with you, I know she's fine." she said, not making much of my question.

"She's your daughter. Take care of her next time." I said, walking out the door before sticking my head through before it was completely closed, "And if you can come home whenever you feel like it, I can sure do the same."

"Oh, and don't forget to feed your daughter." I stated, before slamming the door behind me. 

 

\--

 

"What took you so long?" Drew said as I approached the corner of the back of the library building. I noticed the recognizable scent of the trash cans and sat down on the floor, leaning my back against the cement wall.

"Sorry, I got a bite on my way here." I answered. 

Justin, Josh, and Drew were sitting in their normal spots, to the left of me. Josh took out a box of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, offering me one. I turned him down, standing up with a can of black spray paint. I faced the plain grey wall, pointing the tip of the can at the wall, figuring out what I wanted to do today.

I remembered the tattoo in the center of my stomach, the one that no one knew about, and smiled. I pressed my finger on the top of the can, sending out black paint in the shape of a butterfly on the wall.

I bent down to my right, placing the can down and picking a gold colored one up, before something, or someone caught my eye.

An all-too-familiar tattoo shocked me. The bold heart with antlers on each side, and a deer head attached, caused my eyes to widen. There was a boy sitting on the opposite side of building, his back leaned against the wall with his head turned towards three other males, one blonde and quite short, another that was probably exactly the definition of "tall, dark, and handsome", and the third had the most built up body, not that I was looking or anything.

I turned my head back around to face the wall, immediately continuing my work. He can't notice me, no, he can't. What if he comes over here? What if he calls me "nancy-boy" again? The guys will know something was up. How the hell am I supposed to get myself out of this one?

I couldn't help but turn my head again. I had to make sure it was actually him, that he was actually sitting right there. I saw the back of his head, one of his legs brought up to his chest as the other laid on the cement ground. Black skinny jeans covered his beautiful legs, a tank top hanging on his upper half. His hand was rested on his knee, a blunt in between his thumb and index finger. I watched him as he brought the blunt to his lips, taking it past his mouth and in-hailing deeply, leaning his head back on the wall. He let out the smoke in small circles, dropping his hand down to the floor. 

I was staring, and to be quite honest, I didn't really care. He was just so beautiful, an exquisite creature. It's like he wasn't even human. I couldn't help myself, bringing my bottom lip under my teeth. I'm pretty sure I even moaned when he took another drag of his blunt. It wasn't until I felt a hand on my shoulder, when I snapped out of my trance and came back to reality. 

"What the hell? Are you alright bro?" Josh asked, his hand still on my shoulder as he spoke. I shook my head, clearing my previous thoughts of Louis out of my mind. 

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, I'm fine." I said, "Just had some trouble figuring out what color I wanted to use."

 

\---Louis POV ---

 

I brought the blunt back up to my face, licking my lips before taking another drag of it. 

"So, yeah. I was so high I didn't even remember sleeping with her." Zayn laughed, running his fingers through his hair.

It's not that I haven't ever been sexually attracted to any of the blokes, because hell, to be honest, I've thought some pretty bad things about some of them at a time. I could even say I've had some sex dreams about them.

"Have I ever told you guys the story about when I was so drunk that I shat on the on the pool table at that one kid, Nathan's, party?" Niall croaked, continuing the chain of laughter between the three of them. I watched as Zayn's face hardened, looking at something that was behind me. I tilted my head towards him, my eyebrows meeting each other in concern. 

"What the fuck is he looking at?" Zayn said, pointing to the opposite side of the library. I turned my head to see what Zayn was complaining about, when an instant smirk formed on my face. The boy standing opposite to us quickly turned his head away from our direction, pointing a spray-paint can at the grey wall, spraying a gold color.

It was nancy-boy, it was Harry.

I turned back to Zayn, laughing. "Don't worry about it, It's just little nancy-boy." I said, still smiling at the fact that he was so embarrassed because he was looking at me.

"You know him?" Liam said, taking a drag of the cigarette he held between his pointer and middle finger.

"No, not really, but he's an interesting one. I met him at the music store down the street from my apartment, he works there." I said, smirking. 

"Which means you're planning on fucking him," Zayn said, a smile tugging on the right side of his face, causing me to burst into laughter. I turned around to look at Harry once again, my cheeks still sore from laughing. I let a wink leave my eye when I was sure he was looking, before turning back around. I saw him jolt his eyes away from me and towards the ground, noticing that his chest started to gradually rise and fall faster than it was before. 

Now I want to see how that mess's with his head.

 

\---Harry's POV ---

 

No.

This can't be happening.

They could have seen, any of them could have easily seen that.

I didn't dare to turn to face my friends, scared that they would be looking at me oddly because one of them caught what just happened. I was too scared to know if any of them saw that.

That was wrong, that was really wrong. I was with my friends, right next to them. And Louis knew, he knew that I haven't come out yet, and that I wasn't planning on coming out any time soon. He knew no one knew about me. I made it quite obvious at the music store the other day.

But fuck, he looked so good.


	3. Coincidence or Fate?

I turned to my nightstand, checking the time on my clock before returning to my sketchbook. I picked up my pencil once again, drawing some marks I couldn't quite define. It's 11:30 PM, but that doesn't matter. Tomorrow's Saturday, there is no need for sleep, as if I'll be able to sleep anyways. 

Tonight was too much, now I just can get him off my mind. His movements stayed stitched in my brain. Whenever I tried to sleep, he was the first thing I thought about. He's been in my dreams the last couple of nights. 

I still haven't really talked to Vanessa. She texted me a few times after I ran off, but they weren't anything serious. A couple 'hello's, and a couple of 'how are you feeling's". I told her I ran off before because I wasn't feeling well, which was a flat out lie. 

But that's not what I've really been thinking about lately. For some reason my mind has been on Louis. To be specific, I've been thinking about his friends. They seemed close, maybe too close for my liking. They weren't ugly either, they were all actually very attractive. I couldn't help but wonder if Louis is, or has ever been with one of them.

I snapped out of my thoughts, coming back to reality. I glanced down to the paper, looking at what I came up with during my time of thought. It was the sketch I had started earlier, the one of the arm with the tattoos on it. I had drawn more too it, adding a side profile to the mans face, he had a chiseled jaw, with a stubble of hair lining it. 

I tend to do this a lot. I'd start thinking about someone, or something, and my pencil would be on paper, drawing out whatever I was thinking about unconsciously.

I started flipping through my sketches, looking back at the one I finished the other day. It read "Thing's I Can't", and I quite liked it a lot. I started thinking about what it meant to me, and what I should do with it when a light bulb lit in my head. 

Guess I'm going to the tattoo parlor tomorrow. 

I set my sketchbook on the nightstand by my bed, shutting off the small light to my right. I tucked myself under the covers, grabbing the nearest pillow and pulling it up to my chest. I wrapped my arms around it, and snuggled my head into it.

Constant thoughts of how it would feel for Louis to take the place of that pillow filled my mind. Would he feel stiff? Would it be comfortable? What would his scent be?

I imagined how Louis would look, laying in my bed.

I really, really wanted to see that image in real-life. Oh, how I would love to see that in real-life.

I shut my eyes, knowing that this would be another night Louis appeared in my dreams.

 

\--

 

"It's going to be about a 5 minute wait, sir. All our employee's are busy at this time," the young lady at the front desk said. I nodded towards her, walking to the books they had laid out for people who weren't sure about what they were getting. I held my sketchbook down by my thigh, brushing it every time I took a step. I took one of the books in my hands, opening it up and searching through the pages. I landed on the butterfly I had on my stomach, smiling as I saw it. Above the tattoo were the words "It Is What It Is", which were initially supposed to go on top of the butterfly. The meaning of the tattoo was that, but I didn't want anyone to know the meaning but me. I wanted to keep it to myself to refrain from answering questions about it. 

"Sir, we can sit you down in a chair now. One of our employees are finishing up, and we told him that you should be next." the young lady said, motioning for me to walk into the main room where the tattoos were done, sitting me down on one of the chairs. I looked around the unfamiliar parlor, observing what was around me, noting that this wasn't the parlor I went to too get my first tattoo. It had dark brown walls, photos of their customers tattoos pinned up around the several work areas. 

I turned around, examining some of the people that were in the parlor. I noticed many of them were large men, both the people getting tattoos and the people giving tattoos. I turned to my left, watching as one workers was leaning over someone, the needle working on the mans chest. I noticed that the man getting the tattoo had a couple on his arm, a filled in heart and a deer-head on his tricep. 

Fuck.

Why the hell does he keep following me? I've seen him two times already this week. This would be the third time. But the question is, why the hell do I like seeing him? I shouldn't, because I have a girlfriend. I don't know. He just make me happy, is that wrong? Seeing him makes me happy. I like seeing him smile, it makes me feel good. I like it when he licks his lip ring too, and when he plays with the hair that is on his forehead. I just really like him. 

But I can't like him, and I think I'm starting to understand that.

I wonder what tattoo he's getting. I wonder how often he gets tattoos. I wonder if it hurts him. Damn, I bet he doesn't even flinch. 

The man backed away from him, showing that he had finished what he was tattooing on Louis' skin. My eye's widened at the sight of Louis sitting shirtless on the reclined chair, a mirror in his hand as he looked at the large tattoo placed across the top of his chest. It read "It Is What It Is". I gasped, turning my head to face the ground.

We have corresponding tattoos?

He got up and covered the tattoo with gauze, taping it down to his chest. Why wasn't the worker doing that for him? Isn't it his job? He walked over to where I was sitting, and took a seat in the chair designated for the worker on my right side. He hadn't seen me yet. He was too busy fiddling with the needles and placing them in the correct order to notice who was in front of him. 

What the hell is he doing?

"What are we doing for you today?" he said, his eyes still glued to the tattoo gun.

"I.. uh.." I replied, unsure of what to say. Should I act like I don't who he is? Or should I say something?

He then looked up, his eyes locking to mine as a smirk formed on his face.

"Well look who it is." he said, the smirk still held firmly on his face. I couldn't help but let my smile show, before forcing it to disappear. He can't think I'm flirting with him or anything.

"I.. uh.. Hey." I mumbled, dropping my head down to look at my fingers fuddling with each other in my lap.

"So you've been following me, nancy-boy?" he asked, cleaning the top of the tattoo gun and placing it back down on the side table.

"Don't call me that." I said, through gritted teeth. The smirk on his face faded, his jaw tightening and his eyes narrowing towards me.

"That wasn't an insult, dick." he said, continuing on with what he was doing with the needles. 

"Oh, I.. I'm sorry, I didn't know that you uh, that you, that you uh.."

"That I what?", he said, saving me from my embarrassing stuttering. 

"You were, uhm, you were.." I said, trying to find the nicest way to put this.

"Gay?" He said, finishing my thought. I kept silent, not exactly sure of what to say. What are you supposed to say in a situation like this?

"I didn't mean to offend you, Louis.. I'm really sorry-"

"Well, I was offended," he said, his eyes staying locked to mine. The light blue in his eyes changed to a darker blue with his mood. I didn't like seeing him like this, mad at me, I wanted to see him smile. I like it when he smiles.

"Sorry." I muttered, slouching my back down with my words.

 

\--- Louis' POV ---

 

I looked at the boy sitting in front of me, his floppy curls a mess on his forehead. He looked so innocent, so ignorant towards real life. I did take offence to what he said, but I knew he didn't mean it. I don't think I can stay mad at him, he looks like he needs help. We both may know who he is, but he sure as hell doesn't want to admit that to himself.

"So, what are we doing for you today?" I asked him, trying to force a smile back on my face.

I noticed his eyes were glued to my chest, rather than my face. The pool of green admiring and absorbing what was in front of him.

"You like?" I asked, one of my eyebrows lifted towards the curly haired boy.

His innocent eyes lingered on my chest for a second longer before he processed my words.

"I.. Uh.. What? No! No." He said defensively. I chuckled at him, lowering the gun down to the small table placed beside his chair. I picked up some of the vials of ink, arranging them in the right sequence before beginning my work.

"It's quite hot in here. How can you stand having that jumper on?" I asked, squinting my eyes towards Harry, sitting uncomfortable in the chair in front of me. His hands immediately traveled to the hood of his jumper, holding it down on his head in a protective way. 

"No, I'm fine." he said defensively. 

"Come on man, its literally boiling in here!" I said, reaching over to his hood and quickly swiping it down, revealing his full head of hair. I noticed that there was small purple petals intertwined between his curls, a thin metal wire running through them, holding them all together. 

"Whatchya got there?" I asked, my eyes squinting as I examined the small flowers. They fit so perfectly around his head. It was like a halo in his own way, making him look even more innocent and unique than he already was. It was beautiful, the crown on his head. He looked beautiful. He's always looked beautiful.

He lowered his head down in embarrassment. a slight pink rushing to his cheeks as he scrambled his hands up to his head, attempting to remove the crown. I placed my palm on the backside of one of his nervous hands, forcing his green eyes to stare into mine.

"No, leave it. You look beautiful." I said, my voice in all seriousness. He stared into my eyes as he slowly lowered his hands back into his lap, a smile creeping on his face in which he tried to hide. I smiled at the sight of him. I was never really into "cute" or "adorable" guys. I liked them rough and tough, but Harry? He's just different. 

Allowing him to feel more comfortable, I changed the subject.

"Let me take you to the back to sanitize the area you will be getting done, love. Follow me." I said, smiling as I stood up. His eyes widened at the use of the word "love", which I found as yet another cute thing to add to his list. 

He nodded his head and followed me into the back room, where I closed the door and asked for him to take a seat anywhere. He smiled and lifted himself onto the counter of the plain room, letting his teeth show in a big smile before placing his hands in his lap. 

"That's not what I meant, but It's fine." I laughed, removing and alcohol pad from its packet. 

"Where are you getting this gem?" I asked, standing in front of the younger boy sitting on the top of the counter.I shuffled closer to him so that I was standing in between his legs, but it wasn't too obvious.

"Right here." He said, pointing to the underside of his left forearm, just beneath his elbow. A puzzled look appeared on my face.

"Interesting." I said, placing the pad on the area, wiping it clean.

"First timer?" I asked, lifting my eyebrows with a grin as I looked up at him, a smile plastered on his face.

"No, I got one earlier this year." he answered, kicking his feet against the side of the counter, with me standing in between his long legs. I tilted my head to look at him. I would have never thought of Harry to really be the tattoo type.

"Really? Can I see?" I asked, dropping my hands down to the empty space on the counter that Harry hadn't occupied, between his legs.

He seemed hesitant toward my question. His smile faded, but he didn't completely deny me. 

"Uh, yeah, sure." he said, bringing his hands to the hem of his shirt, pulling it up just above his bellybutton to reveal a large, detailed, black butterfly. My eyes widened at the sight, for many reasons actually. One being the realization that I had just gotten a corresponding tattoo without knowing, and another being that Harry had a view under his shirt that I would have never expected. His stomach was so well toned, and his pants were just low enough to sag right beneath his prominent v-lines, topped off with his breath-taking tan skin.

I leaned forward, tracing the lines around the butterfly with my index and middle fingers. Once my fingers touched his warm skin, I saw his stomach tense. I looked up at him, and found a surprised Harry with his mouth held open a bit, his eyes wide at the white wall behind me. He didn't stop me, though. I continued tracing the lines with my fingers, now leading into the detail of the butterfly, using all five of my fingers. I brought my other hand up to Harry's, which was grasping the end of his shirt, and swatted it away so my hand took the place of his. Both of his hands retreated to the edge of the counter as he leaned back a bit, allowing me more access to his body. 

While my hand continued tracing his dark marks, my other hand slipped under his shirt and teasingly made my way around his chest, my palm leaving the lingering warmth tingling on his soft skin. I looked up to him again, and saw his hands white, clenching the ends of the counter with his eyes shut closed, and his mouth agape. 

I decided to see how far I could take this, how far we would go before he realized what he was doing and stopped me. Might as well have a little fun,.

I slowly leaned in closer to him, my soft lips leaving little kisses along the lines of his butterfly. I looked up at him in surprise when I heard a stifled moan release from his mouth, one of his hands leaving the end of the counter and tangling into my hair. I took that as a sign to move on, and began to leave the kisses down to his v-line, leaving a trail of wet spots along them. 

Just before he allowed himself another moan, his eyes shot open. His normal light green was a dark, forest green. I felt his hands clench around my hair, instinctively pulling me back and jumping off the counter. He began struggling to lower his shirt so he was completely covered. 

I looked at him with worry, not really sure what I should do. He cleared his throat, placing his hand on the back of his neck as he looked around the room. 

"Uh, mm, can we get to that tattoo?" He questioned, but not daring to look me in the eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, sure." I answered, hesitating before turning around and opening the door.

I can already tell, this boy is going to be a great deal of fun.


	4. Drunk Nights & Tattoos

Based on the prior events, Louis would say Harry isn't too comfortable around him for the time being. He probably shouldn't have done what he did, but fuck it. It was worth it. Harry is absolutely beautiful. It's not that he didn't want it, because Louis knew he wanted it. He's just not comfortable with himself yet.

Louis wants to make him comfortable with himself. What he would do to get him in bed is

indescribable. But in order to do that, he's going to have to talk to him.

"So what am I doing for you again? I forgot while we were in the other room." Louis said, dropping his eye in a wink. He watched the young boy's eyes widen, Harry dropping his head to the sketchbook sitting in his lap. Louis watched him as he flipped through the pages, landing on one with the familiar tattoo that read "Thing's I Can't". 

"Oh, now I remember." Louis said, taking the book from Harry and placing it on his lap. He positioned his arm so the back of Harry's forearm was facing towards Louis, and brought the gun to it. Harry felt his body tense under the presence of the gun pointed towards his skin. 

"Wait. Shit." Louis said, placing the gun back down on the side table, Harry's body relaxing. "I forgot my phone in the other room."

Harry nodded toward Louis as he stood up, making his way back to the sanitation room. He walked in, finding his phone sitting right at the spot where he was standing between Harry's legs, on the counter. Louis smirked before picking it up and heading out of the room.

He made my way back to the station Harry was sitting at, and saw that he took his sketchbook back and was looking through it. What's with him and that sketchbook? Louis wondered. It's like he can't let go of it. Louis would say some witty comment about him and his book, but he bite his tongue, realizing that Harry still isn't completely over what happened earlier.

While Louis tried to get back to his seat, his hip accidentally jetted into the side of Harry's sketchbook, sending it straight to the ground with it's pages twisted and turned. Louis reach down to grab it, apologizing to Harry when he saw a familiar tattoo turn up on one of the pages. 

Louis looked at the picture as a whole, and his mouth hung wide open to the view. It was him. Harry drew him, he drew Louis.

"... Harry?" Louis asked, his eyes still locked on the drawing, a perfect replica of his face, body, piercings, and many tattoos. Louis looked down at him to see his face red with embarrassment, pulling his hoodie up to cover his face. 

"You drew me?" Louis asked, flattered that he would do such a thing. He wasn't necessarily creeped out, he knew what he was in for when he went for a guy who wasn't even out yet. This beats what he did to the guy that he first had a crush on. 

Harry nodded, his face covered from the black material. Louis could still see him trying to hold back his beautiful smile, his head dropping between his hands as Louis took a harder look at his masterpiece. 

"Well I'm flattered, nancy-boy." Louis said, handing him back the book. Harry smiled, letting go of his hood to take it from him. His face was still tomato red.

How cute.

"Did you like it?" He said, trying not to look Louis in the eyes. Louis smiled as he took his seat, his hand reaching over to cup Harry's cheek as Louis left circles on Harry's skin with his thumb.

"Of course, love." Louis said with a sigh, thinking about how adorable it was that Harry drew him with such passion when all Louis wanted was in Harry's pants.

"You ready?" Louis questioned, looking up at Harry through his lashes.

Harry didn't answer his question, shutting his eyes tightly as he looked away from Louis, saying the words Just Do It loud and proud. Louis laughed, getting ready to stick the needle into his skin. 

***

"Wow. You did a great job, Louis. Thanks." Harry said, basking at the work of art now painted on his arm. He looked at it with squinted eyes, examining every little extra detail Louis added in. Louis told him that he thought the not-so-straight-ness of the tattoo made it unique, and that he liked it a lot, which made Harry blush. Louis had wrapped up the tattoo for him, but Harry insisted on taking the wrapping off so that he could look at it. Louis made him promise he would clean it and wrap it back up as soon as he got home. Harry knew he would be sure to do it in the car, before his mother could find out.

"How much is it gonna be?" Harry asked, standing across the tall long table from Louis, pulling out his wallet from his back pocket.

"Thirty dollars," Louis said, smirking at the younger boy across from him.

"Isn't that kinda cheap? This tattoo should have been at least forty-five, right?" Harry asked, confusion spreading across his face as he leaned hands on the table.

"Not for a pretty boy like you. S' just gonna be thirty." Louis replied, his smile becoming unbelievably bigger as he looked at the innocent boy, thinking about how much he was going to wreck him later on. Harry smiled at him, blushing as he brought his eyes to the ground, before lifting his head to look at Louis with his glowing green wonders.

"Here's my card, Harry. If you ever need to set an appointment, or... anything else, give me a call." Louis said, smirking as he handed the small card between his pointer and middle fingers to the younger boy.

Harry blushed before taking the card and shoving it into his pocket. He smiled and thanked him again, before leaving the parlor.

Harry knew something inside him changed that day. Something stirred inside of him, a feeling he couldn't describe. It was Louis. When Louis did that... thing. That thing with his mouth. On his stomach. It's been rushing through Harry's mind all day long, the feeling of Louis' lips still not faded from his stomach. He ached for that feeling again, even though he knew he was never going to get it. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he wanted to do it. And for that, he needed to be punished. 

***

Before Harry could make his way back to his house, he stopped at Libby's daycare to pick her up. Soon after, he put her to bed before deciding what he wanted to do for the night. Harry knew that he had to be punished, and he knew that he had to be wasted for him to actually go through with it. Fuck it, it's Saturday night. He thought, before pulling out his phone to shoot a text to Justin.

feeling kinda shitty. you down to go out?

A few minutes later, he received a reply.

sure, bro, whatever you need. pick you up at 8:00? we can go to a club or something.

Harry sent out a text back to Justin, saying that that would be fine.

Harry was the type of person to never really care about what he was wearing, but when he goes out he at least wants to look somewhat presentable to at least attract some kind of girl. He walked over to his closet, taking out a tight blue button-up shirt with large white hearts printed all over it, pushing up the sleeves just above his elbow. He slipped on a pair of black skinny jeans, along with a pair of brown suede boots. He took a blow-dryer, pushing his hair in an upward-quiff position, letting the other hair around it settle on their sides.

He added one last touch of cologne before he heard a knock on the door, signaling that Justin was here.

***

"Come on maaannnnn, get over here!" Harry slurred, grabbing Justin's hand before pulling him onto the dance floor, placing an arm around his shoulders.

"Now we need to find you a girl to fuck. Anyone interest you?" He said, turning to look at Justin with his bloodshot eyes. Harry's had way to much to drink, and the night has only started. He pointed out a girl with long blonde hair, in a tight black dress across the room to his friend. Justin smirked at him, letting Harry's hand fall from his shoulders before making his way over to her. Harry sighed, stumbling over to the bar and taking a seat.

Harry, pulled out his phone from his pocket along with a small piece of paper. Harry assumed the piece of paper read "Louis Tomlinson. 881-329-5483." Harry smirked, typing the number into his phone before pressing his finger on the text box.

heyyy louuuuu whats upp?1?fkpd

Harry placed his phone back into his pocket, asking the bartender for another drink before he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He took it out, revealing a message from the number he had just texted.

Who is this? Whoever you are, you're drunk, go home.

Harry laughed out loud, not sure if he actually found it funny or if it was the alcohol laughing for him as he took another glass of whiskey down his throat.

who do you think it is babe??? nancyyy boyyyy remmeberrrrjss?

This time Harry kept the phone in his hand, looking up to try and find a good looking girl he could fuck tonight. Before he could decide on one, his phone buzzed again.

Harry? What are you doing out so late? Are you drunk? For God's sake, Harold.

Harry laughed again. Louis called him "Harold." Louis called him "Harold" and he thought it was the funniest thing in the fucking world. His faced started turning red with laughter, before his fingers began to type out another message.

louuuu m just havibg so me funnnnn and nooo im noto soj fdrunkkk but i s till love the tattoo u gave me

Harry sent out the message before standing up, stalking over to a cute brunette dancing with her friends. He stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her stomach and pushing her back against his front with pure hunger. He didn't want this, no, he wanted something a little bit different. But this would suffice, this had to suffice, because he was never going to get what he wanted.

He rolled his hips against hers as she returned the favor, wrapping his arms around his neck as she deepened the action. Harry felt a vibration in his pocket, before pulling his phone out and revealing another text from the one and only Louis Tomlinson.

Where are you?

Harry was upset that this was all the message contained, a simple three words that asked the location of the younger boy. Why did it matter to Louis?

Harry began to type a message back, attempting to continue his actions with the girl while doing so.

uhhhhh something like the foonkay buuhahhhudo i dont know

He slipped his phone back into his pocket, tightening the grip on the girl in front of him.

He grinded with the girl for about ten more minutes, trying to enjoy it as much as he could before his phone buzzed again.

It's the Funky Buddha, dipshit. I' m coming to get you, stay right where you are.

Harry didn't think anything of the text when he shoved his phone back in his pocket, whipping the girl around, pressing his lips to hers. For a moment he completely forgot about Vanessa, and how they were supposed to be together. The fact is Harry doesn't even really care about Vanessa, and he's trying to face that.

Harry made out with the girl, intending on taking her to the bathroom when he felt a hand on his fore-arm, squeezing as he was whipped around and pulled away from the girl. His green bloodshot eyes found a pool of blue as he collapsed into the older boys arms. The amount of force took Harry by surprise, considering his reaction times weren't at their best.

"Come on, idiot, I'll take you home." Louis said, allowing Harry to drape his arm over his shoulders as he helped him toward the door. Harry thought about Justin for a minute, and thought about how he was going to get home or if he was going to wonder about him, but he just figured that he was fucking the blonde anyways, and that Justin would think that Harry found a girl to fuck himself.

Harry let himself be taken inside of Louis car and buckled up, as Louis jumped into the drivers seat and started the engine, driving out of the parking lot as Harry fell asleep in the passengers seat.

***

"Harry, you need to take your key out. Wake up, love, I need the key." Louis said, his thumb caressing Harry's cheek as he attempted to wake the boy up in the passenger seat of his car. Harry stirred in his sleep, his eyes fluttering open as he warmed to the touch of Louis' hand on his face.

"The key, babe." Louis repeated again, smiling slightly at how innocent Harry looked in his sleep compared to the stench of alcohol coming from his mouth. Harry closed his eyes once again, placing his hand in his pocket and taking it out with a key, handing it to Louis. He moaned as Louis tried to pull him up out of the seat, but ended up agreeing to the concept of walking while holding on to Louis.

Louis soon got him into his house, softly closing the door behind him before having Harry lead him into his room. He set the younger boy down on his bed, before taking a seat next to him, just looking. Louis noticed how angelic Harry looked in his sleep, almost as if he isn't human. It was tough not to just simply look at Harry, taking in all his stunning features all at one time. Harry turned to his side on the bed, getting comfortable. Soon, Louis lifted his hands and placed them on the hem of Harry's button-up-shirt, unbuttoning his tight shirt from his body.

Once Louis turned Harry onto his back, Harry eye's begin to flutter open again. He watched Louis from under his lashes, un-doing all of the buttons on his shirt before pulling it out of both arms, his fingers lingering on Harry's biceps just enough for Harry to notice. Harry blinked a couple of times, not stopping Louis, but smiling at Louis, tilting his head to the side.

"You're really pretty." Harry said, lifting his hand to toss Louis' fringe across his forehead, before dropping his hand to Louis cheek, rubbing circles into his skin with his thumb onto his cheek.

"Thank you, Harry. But you're really drunk right now." Louis replied with a whisper, unbuttoning Harry's jeans before attempting to pull them down. Harry's jeans were a lot tighter than Louis imagined them to be, and he ended up taking a good ten minutes to get them off of his legs completely, leaving him only in his boxers in his bed. Louis let himself look, he figured that if he brought him home safe then he should at least be able to get something in return, so he took the time to really take in Harry's body.

If this was any other guy, Louis would have taken this opportunity to fuck him while he was drunk. But with Harry, he didn't know if he wanted to do that. He wanted Harry to feel and absorb it all. He wanted him to get the full experience of what it is like to be with Louis William Tomlinson. He wanted Harry to understand what good sex felt like, unlike all the sex he's had with meaningless girls he cared nothing about. He wanted his experience with his first guy to be good, not when he was drunk and didn't know what the fuck was going on.

As Louis attempted to stand-up from Harry's bed when a hand caught his, urging him to sit back down. Louis smiled, taking a seat and removing his hand from Harry's.

"Goodnight love, I can't stay, I have to go home." he whispered, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to Harry's forehead, which just cause Harry to give Louis the dopiest most adorable smile ever, basking in Louis presence like it's all he's got left.

He nodded his head, shutting his eyes as Louis left the room, closing the door behind him in the most soundless way possible.


	5. That Cheeky Bastard

Let's just say Harry isn't too happy with himself. Harry rarely ever gets drunk, he is against the consumption of a lot of alcohol most days. Harry could be called a bore, but he never liked alcohol or drugs, or any of that. He was pretty oblivious to the whole subject to be honest.

He was really planning on fucking that girl though, until that beautiful creature messed up his toture plans to get himself back for what happened earlier that day in the tattoo parlor.

When Harry woke up the next morning, he sat in bed reading all the drunk texts he sent Louis and reflecting on the night before, when he heard footsteps approach his door.

"Harry! What are you still doing in bed?" Harry's mother asked, standing at Harry's bedroom door. Harry wasn't sure if his mother knew about what happened last night, or if she heard him come in the house. He didn't really care if she did, if he was being honest with himself. But he did care if Libby heard him. He loved Libby with all his heart, more than himself.

Harry didn't answer his mother, he just continued scrolling through his texts on his phone.

"What the hell is on you're arm? What is that, Harry?" She asked, walking over to Harry, standing beside his bed. She snatched his arm away from his phone and examined the tattoo on the underside of his forearm, frowning.

"You got a fucking tattoo!?" Harry watched her face rage with anger. She never liked tattoos, on anyone. She thought they were vulgar, and they shouldn't be put on human bodies.

"Language." Harry spat back, pulling his arm away from her. She opened her mouth with disbelief at her sons actions, lifting a hand and sending it straight across his cheek, leaving a red hand print on Harry's pale skin.

That was it. Harry couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't stand his mother, and the amount of nothing she has ever done for this family. Sure, she works. But that's about it, and she still can't even manage to pay the bills on her own. Harry has to work along with her, barley being able to keep any of the money that he makes to himself. She never spends time with Libby, nor takes her to school or daycare, or cooks for her. Harry does all of that, and he's sick and tired of doing her job for her. He loves Libby, and he loves taking care of her, but his mom needs to get her shit together.

He stood up from his bed in rage, angrily walking over to his dresser and pulling out a T-shirt, swinging it over his head. His mother just stood there, awaiting his further actions. He pulled a pair of jeans up his long torso, letting them hand on his hips before placing his phone in his pocket.

"Where are you going, you fucking goth?" His mother shouted from across the room as Harry made his way toward the door.

"Out. Away from here." He said, placing his hand on the door knob, "And don't forget to take you're daughter to daycare before leaving the house, you careless little shit." He said, before shutting the door behind him and making his way to his bike.

Harry heard his mother calling for him from the house, and immediately took off on his bike. He didn't exactly know where he was going. He wasn't working today because she shop closed on Sundays, so he really didn't know where to go.

He pulled out his phone and shot a text to Justin, asking if it was alright for him to stop by for a little bit. Of course Justin said it's fine, so Harry rode his bike over to Justin's house which was about 3 blocks from his. 

The entire bike ride consisted of thoughts of his mother, and how irresponsible she is, mixed with thoughts of Louis and what happened last night. He thought long and hard about the events of the past night, and realized that when he woke up he was only in his boxers. He didn't remember taking his clothes off. All he could think about was how they could have possibly been taking off. Did he take them off and not remember? Did someone else do it for him?

Harry's skin tingled with the thought of Louis touching his bare body, and only wished he could remember what it felt like if he did. He wanted to savor it, the feeling of Louis' hands on him. But he can't fucking remember, and all he wants to do is know what it would have felt like.

***

Harry sat in Justin's bedroom in silence for what felt like hours. He couldn't talk to him about Louis, because he knew how much his friends hated homosexuals. The only relationship he could ever talk about was his and Vanessa's, and they were taking a 'break' right now. He pulled out his phone to send out a text to Louis. He's been nervous about talking to him after what had happened last night, but he figured that he couldn't just leave what happened last night alone. He had to talk to him about it sometime.

Hey, Louis. Listen, could we talk? Like meet up somewhere and talk?

Not long after, a text was sent to Harry's phone. Harry couldn't help but blush, thinking about seeing Louis again. He opened the text, leaning back in the desk chair in Justin's room.

Sure, love. xx When and where??

Harry bit his lip thinking about Louis. Louis' eyes, Louis' lips.. Louis' everything. He wanted to see him again. He really did. But he was scared, for many reasons. What if someone sees them and thinks their together? What if he completely humiliates himself?

That didn't matter, he thought, as long as he got to see Louis again.

5:30. The pier. See you.

 

Harry thanked Justin for letting him stay over for a bit, and took off. He was nervous. He was really, really fucking nervous. It was already 5:15, and he purposely told Louis to meet him at 5:30 so that he had no time to talk himself out of it. How was he supposed to bring up what happened last night? He wanted to ask what happened, because he couldn't remember even if he tried. 

***

"Hey, babe. " Louis said, as he approached Harry, who was leaning on the ledge of the pier, his head in full concentration on what he was going to say to Louis along with mixed thoughts about the fight he had with his mother. Harry's head quickly turned towards Louis' voice, not knowing that the older boy was behind him. Louis laughed at his actions, throwing an arm over his shoulders. Louis had to stand on his tip toes in order to do so, because of Harry's absolutly insane height. Harry flinched at the direct contact, but soon settled into Louis side while continuing to look out at the blue water. He haden't spoken a word to Louis yet, his head dropping as he took his bottom lip between his teeth. 

"What's wrong, baby boy?" Harry tightened the grip on his lip between his teeth, slightly blushing to the new nick name Louis brought upon him. But of course, Louis noticed that and wasn't going to let it slide without teasing Harry.

"I love that smile. If I call you baby boy again would you show me that smile?" Louis teased, turning his head to face Harry's. "baby boy?"

Harry giggled, turning his face from Louis until he was shying away and hiding in the crease of his arm.

Louis couldn't take it. No, Louis couldn't take how adorable Harry was. He actually thought it would kill him one day, looking at this boy who doesn't even know how adorable he is. Harry fucking giggled, and no, Louis will not get over that.

Even though Louis' number one goal was to get into those pretty little pants of his, he could deny that he actually liked Harry. He liked Harry's smile, and how full it was. He liked Harry's dimples, and Harry's eyes. He liked Harry, and he wasn't going to play it off like he didn't.

"It's nothing," Harry said, his smile falling off of his face. Louis sighed, nudging Harry's head towards him. Harry dug his head into the crook of Louis neck, turning so that his cold nose was pressed to Louis' warm skin.

"It's alright babe, you don't have to tell me." Louis said in a mere whisper, sending chills up Harry's spine, "but you did call me here to talk to me, so what was it you wanted to talk about?"

Harry lifted his head off Louis' shoulder, turning to face the older boy. His green eyes stared into Louis' baby blue's before dropping them back down to the floor, his lip being tugged between his teeth once again.

"I swear to God Harry, if you bite your lip one more time I might be tempted to kiss you." Louis said, watching Harry's eye's widen before quickly pulling his lip out of his mouth, looking back to Louis. Louis chuckled at how Harry actually took that threat seriously, the ignorance of the boy making him even more adorable than Louis thought could be possible.

"I- I just.. I wanted to ask you what happened last night, because I can't remember.." Harry asked, unable to keep eye contact with Louis for the brief seven seconds it took to ask that question. Louis laughed, lifting his hand to toss the curls on Harry's forehead. Just as soon as Harry's bottom lip began to make its way into his mouth, Louis lifted his eyebrows causing Harry's face to flush. He quickly removed his lip, keeping his head attached to the ground.

"Now don't do that babe, I want to see your face when I tell you of the interesting events that took place last night." Louis said, lifting his hand to cup Harry's chin, pulling his eye's up to meet Louis'.

"All I can tell you is that I got a text from you around two AM, and it was very apparent that you were drunk. After that you kept texting me, and I decided that I should probably go pick you up before you did something stupid. So, I put out my cigarette and came to get you." Louis started, directly facing Harry by the ledge of the pier. Harry kept an emotionless face, already knowing about the texting that happened the night before. What he wanted to know was how and why he didn't have any clothes on when he woke up,

"After that, you fell asleep in my car. I brought you back to your house, which I must say, you gave me the address too. So don't think I'm creepy and I just know the address to your house, because I don't." Harry still had no sign of any emotion on his face. He was just intently listening to Louis' story, waiting for the parts he didn't know about to come in.

"I brought you up to your room, and I figured that you didn't want to go to sleep in a button-up and trousers, so I did you a little favor." Louis' said, gradually getting closer to the younger but bigger boy in front of him. Harry froze, not knowing what to do.

"You look a little nervous love, is everything alright?" Louis said with the tilt of his head, placing one of his small hands on Harry's bicep. Louis could tell Harry's breathing had picked up, as he walked his fingers down to Harry's chest, placing his hand over the boy's racing heart. 

"Don't be nervous, I'm just doing what you asked, right?" Harry nodded, closing his eyes in order to calm himself. Louis just chuckled, leaving his hand on Harry's chest as he continued with the story.

"See, what I did, was I put my hand on your waist like this," Louis said, lightly moving his hand to place it on Harry's hip, "and don't get me wrong, I had to get a little feel before completely taking off that shirt of yours, so I traced little shapes into your skin like this," Louis added seductively, moving his hand under Harry's shirt before tracing little squares and circles into Harry's warm skin. Harry's heart beat was through the roof right about now, and goosebumps have already formed all around his body. Louis' touches were filling all of his senses. He felt like he would faint if Louis went any further with this. 

"After that, baby boy, I took of that shirt of yours, and dropped my hands down to these tight fellas," Louis said, dropping both of his small hands down to Harry's waist, tangling his fingers in the belt loops of Harry's tight skinny jeans. Harry let out a small gasp, trying to avoid Louis' gaze at all times. His face was completely flushed, as his hands were tugging at his curls, attempting to calm himself down as much as possible. As much as he hated to admit it, Louis turned him on.

A lot. 

But one thing Harry didn't want Louis to notice was the growing something in his pants, because that would throw him over the edge. He might actually faint, and he doesn't know how to calm himself down anymore. 

"And then I slid them down these incredible, beautiful, long legs of yours," Louis said, walking his fingers down Harry's thigh, when he noticed something struggling to breathe inside of Harry's pants. He kept the smile to himself, knowing what to do to throw Harry over the edge. He looked up at Harry, who had his eyes shut tight and his lip drawn between his teeth, clearly not caring about the threat Louis placed upon him before. Louis wasn't going to take advantage of that though, he just wanted to tease him until he couldn't take it anymore.

As he trailed his fingers back up Harry's thigh, he lightly dragged his fingers across his very prominent bulge, causing a small whimper to fall from Harry's mouth. Louis bit his lip, trying not to get too excited himself over the noise Harry just made.

"L-Lou.." Harry said, his eyes closed shut as tight as he possibly could close them. 

Harry couldn't. He simply couldn't. He felt like his heart was going to burst from his chest, his mind was racing and all he could think about was louislouislouis, because, fuck, it was Louis who was doing this to him. Not Vanessa, Louis. He didn't know what to do about it either, because he couldn't just have a sexual outburst in the middle of the pier. He had to get out of here, as soon as he could, because he couldn't have Louis do this to him in such a public place.

"Yes, baby boy?" Louis said, looking up to Harry with the most innocent eyes, completely contradicting with his previous actions.

"I love it when you call me that by the way. It's adorable. Do you mind saying it again for me?"

And no, fuck no, Harry couldn't deny him. 

"Lou," Harry whimpered, his eyes still shut as he let his stiff shoulders drop with the word. It was almost like he was whining, asking why Louis was doing such a thing to him.

This is going to be so easy, Louis thought. If Harry was acting like this because of just a few simple touches, imagine how he would be if Louis touched him the way he wanted to touch him. Harry would practically be blown to pieces, scattered across Louis' bedroom floor. 

It's when Harry saw the small figure emerge from behind Louis, that he went completely soft. 

Louis turned around when he saw the wide-eyed look on the younger boys face, before pulling close to Harry and whispering in his ear.

"Listen, if you ever decide that you want to talk about how upset you were earlier, you can always stop by. My address is on the back of the business card I gave you." Louis whispered, before pulling back and dropping a wink to the still-stunned boy in front of him. Harry's eyes quickly turned to Louis, then back to the figure standing not too far away.

"See you later, nancy-boy." Louis said, before turning away, walking off of the pier. 

No, Harry was not stunned by the wittiness of Louis' words.

No, Harry was not stunned because of how Louis made him over the past five minutes.

Harry was stunned because his mother was standing not more than 10 feet away from where he was almost going to start touching himself because of another boy who was completely and utterly destroying his mind.


	6. I Can't Change

"Harry?" The five-foot-nine brown-haired monster marched toward the perplexed young boy, who was still in shock from what had just happened to him.

"M-Mum?" Harry said, looking at her with confusion. Harry hoped she hadn't seen what had just happened. The endless possibilities as to what could happen to him hurt to think about.

"What, you're a fag now?" She shouted, causing a scene amongst the people trying to enjoy their night at the pier. Harry was the main focus of their conversations now.

"M-Mum, you don't, no, that's not it, i'm not-"

"I want you to get the hell out of my house, you queer!" She fumed, lowering her voice so that the people around her didn't hear.

"B-but Mum, y-you can't kick me out- where am I supposed to go? Y-You can't-"

And that was it.

That was it for Harry. The second that her hand hit his cheek, he knew he was done. No, he didn't know where he was going to go. No, he didn't want to leave his sister.

But this? This was too much. Harry would have probably left either way after this.

Looking at his mother, Harry never understood. He never understood why some people stay with their parents after they lay a hand on them. Harry was smarter than that. He promised himself that if his mother ever laid a hand on him he would leave the house without question.

"I'll be out in an hour." Harry said, nudging his mother in the arm as he passed her, making his way back to his bike.

***

When Harry got home, he rushed into his room to get a bag and began stuffing anything he could find into it. Shirts, pants, shoes, underwear.. Anything and everything. Once he got what he thought was vital, he almost completely exited the room when he remembered something he never thought he would ever forget.

His crowns.

His precious crowns that he spent hours making, tucked in a box, away in a secret hiding place that no one but him and Libby knew about.

He slowly made his way over to his drawer, before opening it and carefully taking the box in his hands. He didn't want to risk damaging the flowers, so he kept the box with him instead of tucking it away in the luggage bag.

Before leaving the house, Harry made sure to leave a slip of notebook paper with his phone number scribbled on it in Libby's room, under her favorite book, Green Eggs And Ham.

***

He didn't know where to go. Harry was sat on a bench not far from his house, not really sure what he was doing. Where was he to go? One of his friends house's? No. They would ask him why, and if he tried to explain he knew they wouldn't understand. They were the most homophobic people he knew, other than his worthless excuse of a mother.

Harry had no other family. It was just his mother, Libby, and his three friends. He thought maybe he should call Vanessa, but then he realized that that would make no sense at all.

He slumped back on the bench, sighing as he lifted his long legs to cradle himself. He rested his chin on his knees and wrapped his arms around his legs, thinking about what he could have possibly done wrong. Why was he like this? Why can't he be like everyone else, and just like girls? Why did his sexual orientation matter to anyone else? Why did he let down his family and friends? Why did he let down his girlfriend?

Why?

He felt like his face was going to break if he pushed his face into his knees any further, because now his breathing had picked up and his eyes began to swell with tears. Before he could notice his eyes began to blur with tears, and that's when he broke. He choked back a sob, holding himself tighter than before, like if he let go he would fall into pieces. Because no, no one was there to hold him. No one was there to tell him that everything was going to be alright, because it wasn't.

He was wrong. He didn't belong. People like him shouldn't exist in this world. That's why there is no one with him right now; no one cares. No one cares about him because he is a worthless, gay kid who has no family or friends that give a shit about him. He brought his hands back to his sides, but the tears kept streaming down his face and he knew that they weren't going to stop any time soon.

As he pulled out his phone to search through his contacts, he noticed a slip of paper fall to the floor from his pocket. He leaned down to get it, when the name on the card struck his memory.  
Louis.He flipped the card over to reveal an address written in sloppy handwriting, along with a small message

:If you ever need anything... Don't be afraid to stop by... ;)

***

The sobbing hadn't stopped by the time he reached Louis' flat, but Harry didn't care. He was too hurt and confused to care. He carried his bike up the stairs with him until he reached the number written on the card, and furiously knocked on the door.

"Louis... Louis please, Louis please open the door.." He sobbed, dropping his bike to the ground, carefully placing his box of crowns by it, before resting his forehead on the door. Before he could notice, the door swung open revealing a small, feather-haired boy staring at him with concern. Harry came stumbling straight into the boy's arms. Louis' arms wrapped tightly around Harry's back, slowly backing into the flat.

"She knows Lou.. She-she knows.." He cried, his hands holding Louis' shirt in a tight fist as he dug his head into his neck.

"Harry, calm down baby, it's alright.." Louis said, sitting Harry down on the couch next to him, Harry's face still tucked into Louis' neck along with his arms not daring to leave the older boys' body.

"No, I-I want to stay with you Lou, please, don't let go.." Harry whined as Louis attempted to remove his tight grasp from his own body, in order to actually see Harry to discover what happened.

"Never, baby boy. C'mere." Louis said, pulling the bigger boy onto his lap. Harry complied, resting his head on Louis' shoulder as he pulled his legs up to tuck under Louis' arm.

"I'm sorry I just-"

"You don't need to apologize baby, I'm here, I'm not going to let go." Louis said, cutting Harry off. He lifted his hand to play with the younger boys' hair in order to calm him down. They sat in silence for the next couple of minutes until Louis noticed that Harry actually fell asleep. He smiled, leaning down to press a small kiss to his temple before unwrapping himself from Harry.

Louis adjusted the sleeping boy's position so that he was laying down on the couch before slipping off the boys' shoes and running to his bedroom to get a pillow and a blanket. He set the pillow under the boys' head, and covered the blanket along his long body before leaning down to wipe some remaining tears from under his eyes. He frowned at Harry, upset that the most beautiful boy he had ever seen was upset, retreating back to his bedroom.

Louis tried to think about what Harry was telling him.

She knows Lou, she knows.

Could Harry have been talking about the girl who was at the pier earlier? Who was she?

Louis didn't know, but what he did know is that he didn't ever want to see Harry as upset as he was again.

***

Harry woke up with slight shock, tears running down his face from the most recent dream he had. His friends had figured out about him and beat him, leaving him alone in the middle of the street. Harry got up from the couch with his blanket still clutched in his hand, and looked out the window when he realized that it was still dark. It must have been the middle of the night, he guessed, until he looked at the digital clock on the wall that read 3:32 AM. He began walking around the house, in search of something he didn't know he was looking for, Louis.

 

He walked into a room which had the door wide open, and saw a sleeping Louis cuddled into his sheets on the side of the bed. Harry walked over to him, holding his blanket tight into his chest, before speaking up.

"L-Lou?" He said with a soft voice, when the small body beneath him began stirring in the bed.

"L-Louis?" He said again, stepping away from the bed, scared that Louis would be mad that he woke him up.

"Yeah, Harry?" Louis said with a sleeping voice as he looked up at the younger boy.

"Can I please sleep in here? If that's alright-"

"Of course, babe. Get in." Louis said, moving over on the bed to make room for Harry. Harry dropped his blanket to the floor, before getting into the bed and making himself comfortable on his side of the bed.

"I know you, Harry, and I know that you want to be held right now." Louis mumbled, placing one hand on Harry's waist and the other on his wrist, pulling him over so that their bodies were intertwined, Louis chin being rested on Harry's head, which was tucked into Louis' neck.

"I don't know what happened, but baby please, I don't like seeing you be intimidated by me. I want to help, I want to make you feel okay." Harry nodded and pulled himself close to Louis, before drifting back into a peaceful sleep.


	7. Alyssum

Harry woke up the next morning to an irritating beeping noise coming from his phone that was set on the nightstand next to him. He couldn't remember where he was or what was happening for a couple of minutes, until he heard a moan erupt from a sleeping body across the bed from his.

"Harry?", the body whined, tugging the blanket closer to his smaller body, sighing and relaxing his body again. 

Harry's eyes widened, the figure laying next to him had startled him, and that's when he remembered where he was.

"Shit." Harry whispered to himself. School. He forgot about school. Looking down at himself, he realized that he was still wearing the clothes that he had on when he got here. He got out of bed in a hurry, in search of his bags. He found them sitting inside, next to the door. Louis must have brought them in last night. Before he let his mind drift off into what happened the night before, he ran over to his bag and pulled out a hoodie and black ripped skinny jeans.

He let himself into the bathroom, ridding himself of his shirt and pants and replacing them with the hoodie and the jeans. He ran back into the living room and retrieved his toothbrush, washing his face and teeth before entering Louis' bedroom once more, grabbing his phone when he heard another noise come from Louis' petite body on the bed.

"Harry? Where are you going? We need to.. We need to talk." Louis said with a deep, groggy voice; interrupting himself with a yawn. He discarded the cover that was thrown over him and sat up on the side of the bed, rubbing at his eyes and licking over his lip ring. Harry almost forgot about Louis' lip ring. He almost forgot about what Louis' lip ring does to him.

"I know, I know we do, but I have to go to school. I'm late. Can we talk later? After work? I have to head to work right after school." He replied, standing with his hands in his pockets.

"What time do you finish school?" Louis asked, turning to look at Harry, his face stunning even in the morning. He licked over his lips again, stretched, and got up. Harry tried not to look him in the eyes, because whenever he did he was never really able to stop. He kept his eyes glued to the ground before answering Louis' question.

"3:00. Work starts at 4:00." he replied.

"Well, do you want me to drop you off? You said you're already late, Harry, and I don't want you riding your bike in the rain." Louis said, grabbing his car keys off of the nightstand beside him, making his way closer to Harry.

Shit. It is raining. Harry has walked to school in the rain plenty of times though, considering that his mom is a complete asswhipe. He didn't want to bother Louis though, he didn't want to make him leave at such an early hour.

"It's fine, really, I can ride my bike... I won't be that late." Harry said, shaking his head. 

"No, Harry, It's fine I can-"

"No.", Harry said. He didn't want Louis to drive him to school. He wanted at least something to stay the way it was. Something that feels normal for him. The past day had been hectic, new, and uncomfortable for him. Riding his bike to school was something that he did all the time, and at least that will feel normal, "I'll just be leaving now."

****

Harry showed up at school half an hour late. He walked into his first period and spotted Justin giving him an odd look. He took his seat next to Justin, taking out his history notebook. 

"Overslept." Harry whispered to Justin. Justin nodded, continuing with his note taking.

****

Harry parked his bike in its usual spot next to the music shop. The door jingled as he opened it, and the first face he spotted definitely wasn't his boss. It was the face of a blue-eyed angel leaning against the back wall with his arms crossed, a smirk playing across his face.

"Lou?" Harry said, making his way over to where Louis was standing.

He was wearing a very, very loose tank-top that read New Wave, complemented by a picture of a wave. All of his tattoos were able to be seen, his sides completely bare from the low cut of the shirt. He had a burgundy red beanie on as well, hanging just off of his head so that a bit of his hair was sat on his forehead. Black jeans and Vans also went along with the outfit, doing it good.

"How was your day, love?" Louis straightened himself up, brushing a curl out of Harry's eyes, while tilting his head.

"It was alright." Harry said, pink glowing in his cheeks. He smiled, biting his lip as he tried to focus on the ground and not the boy in front of him. Louis did something to him. Something he couldn't quite explain. Louis gives him this fuzzy feeling in his stomach. He's not sure what it is, but he doesn't know how to ever make it go away when he's around Louis. It's beginning to bother him, how he gets so embarrassed over every little thing Louis says to him.

"That's great. Could we talk, baby boy?" Harry chuckled at the nickname, remembering past events that were both saddening and humerus. With a serious demeanor, Harry nodded his head and lead Louis into the back room of the music shop. 

"Harry, before we begin, I just want you to know that you can stay with me for as long as you need. I- I know what you're going through, and I just don't want you to feel like you have no where to go, or want you to feel alone at all. I know you have no one to help you through this, well, no one that has been by your side before. I'm always here, as a friend, as whatever you need me to be. I promise." Louis kept his eyes locked onto Harry's face. Harry had kept his head down and his hands intertwined behind his back, nodding with his eyes shut. 

"Thank you so much, Lou. I really just need to thank you. I'm just- I'm really confused with.. with everything. I'm not gay- at least I don't think I am- or maybe I am, I don't really know. I'm confused. All I really do know is that I don't have a home anymore, and I don't even thing that I told you why yet. Have I?" Louis shook his head, "Well, the woman that was at the pier with us; that was my mother. She assumed that we were together, and she didn't really.. appreciate that.. She.. She hit me, so I left. I left my little sister with her, Lou, and I just feel so fucking pathetic for doing that and I-"

"Harry, you're not pathetic." Louis interrupted. Little did Harry know that he had started crying out of frustration, angrily wiping the back of his hand on his face, removing the wetness.

"I am, though, I left her with that- with that monster... and that's not even the worst part. Now she's probably going to go and tell Libby that I left them, and I'm probably never going to see her again." Harry didn't know what to do. Everything in his mind was Louis, Libby, Louis, work, Louis, school, Louis, his friends, Louis, his entire life. It's like Louis took a sharpie and wrote his name in permanent marker on Harry's brain.

Harry turned his head away from Louis, not wanting him to see him like this. He wiped under his eyes with his face turned to the side, when he felt a warm hand cup his cheek.

"Baby..." Louis said, rubbing circles into Harry's cheek ever so slightly, causing goosebumps to form all over his body.

"I.. I don't know what this is. I'm not really sure what's going on between the two of us.. but, that doesn't matter. Harry, I want you to be confident. I want you to have a mind set that tells yourself if you want something, you will work at it until you have it. I want you to be proud of who you are babe, because who you are is absolutely magnificent." Louis said quietly, pulling Harry closer to him until his head was buried into Louis' neck. Harry tightly wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, the position being awkwardly comforting. 

"Like Alyssum flowers." Louis whispered against Harry's ear. Harry pulled away slightly in order to look at Louis' face, but not far enough so that their interaction ended. His eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

"Worth beyond beauty." Louis said softly, leaning into Harry, his lips brushing Harry's soft cheek.

"Lou," Harry whimpered into Louis' skin, pulling Louis closer to him.

After what seemed like only a few seconds, Louis pulled away from Harry, placing both his hands on his cheeks, wiping the tears away.

"I'll only need to stay with you until I tell Justin." Harry said, as Louis let his hands fall to his sides.

"Don't worry about that babe. Tell him when your ready." Louis knew that Harry wouldn't be ready any time soon, so he didn't count on Harry leaving any time soon. But he didn't care, he liked Harry's presence if he was being honest with himself. 

Harry smiled a half-smile, taking Louis' hand in his, rubbing circles into the back of it with his thumb. He nodded, blushing slightly at Louis' kindness.

"Get back to work baby boy. I'll see you at home." Louis smiled, brushing past Harry as he exited the room. Harry smiled, knowing that even though there was so much bad effecting his life right now, at least he has Lou. 

****

Butterflies erupted in Harry's stomach as he approached Louis' apartment door. As Harry got closer, he heard loud music sounding from behind the door, turning his nervousness into confusion. He knocked loudly on the wood, and when no answer spoke back to him he twisted the handle.

The first thing he spotted was someone he had seen before. Somewhere. Somewhere he couldn't remember, but the face was familiar. The boy had tan skin, not too dark but not too light; and his hair was perfectly quaffed on his head. His jaw was lined with stubble, and one thing Harry noticed the most was the white powder on his nose. 

Harry looked over to find another boy; blonde with blue eyes. The boy was almost the complete opposite as the first boy that he saw, no facial hair whatsoever lining any of his face. A joint stuck out of his mouth, his blue eyes lined with a deep red. 

There was one last boy that Harry saw sitting on the all-too-familiar couch in Louis' apartment, brown hair also quaffed up on his head and a cigarette in between his fingers. In his other hand, he had a beer, lifting it to his lips, taking a swing. 

That's when Harry saw Louis. Harry saw Louis on the ground, his nose to the coffee table moving down it vertically. He caught Louis' eyes as they fluttered up, red rimming the blue that he had grown to adore. Louis' looked too him in surprise, wiping the left over powder off of his nose.

"Lou?"


	8. Nose Candy

"Lou?" Harry stood in front of Louis and his three friends, his eyes lingering across each of them and what they were doing. Harry remembered where he had seen them from. The day when he was behind the library, smoking with his friends. Louis and his friends weren't far from him, smoking as well. Harry remembered how attractive Louis' friends were, and how he didn't quite appreciate that. 

"Harry? Oh shit, I forgot your staying here now." Louis said, hurriedly running his hand over his nose, ridding himself of the white powder.

"Uh- I can leave and come back later I-"

"No, Harry, stay. Let me introduce you to my friends." Louis said, motioning over to the first boy with the black quifted hair. 

"Hey mate, I'm Zayn." The tan boy said, standing up to take Harry's hand. Harry smiled, and offered him a handshake back.

"Harry." He answered with a quick nod of the head.

The boy next to him stood; the blonde one, and introduced himself as Niall. Harry said his name and shook his head as well. The last boys' name was Liam, and he also stood for a hand shake. Harry found them all to be nice, and he also found that Louis was patiently standing beside him waiting to see his reaction to Louis' friends.

"Well I guess its time for us to go now," Liam said, standing up from the couch. "Since I got it this time, Louis you next?" He finished, heading toward the door as Zayn and Niall followed behind.

"Wait! No! I thought we were gonna go out?" Louis slurred, wobbling over to the door as if he was a baby penguin, forbidding them from exiting.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Lou, you're not really in the best shape-"

"I think your little friend is right, mate, lets do it another night." Zayn said, taking Louis by the shoulders, leading him back to the couch. 

"Ugh, yeah, sure, mate." Louis said, turning his lips into a pout. This is a side of Louis that Harry had never seen before, and he didn't quite know how he felt about it.

As soon as everyone left the apartment, Louis gave Harry a big smile and sat down on the couch, his eyes still rimmed with red.

"Harry. do you want to get married? I- I think that this cereal box asked for your hand in marriage." Louis said, picking up a box of Lucky Charms off of the coffee table and bringing it to Harry's hand.

"Louis, what are you doing?" Harry said, taking the box and setting it back on the coffee table. He then took Louis' hand and led him back to the couch, setting him down and sitting beside him.

"Harry.. I really- I just really like your face, okay? I said it. I told you. It's just so.. soft, like I just want to pet it. Like this? See?" Louis said with his words slurred, clearly a side-effect of the drug. He lifted his legs and placed them over Harry's thighs while bringing his hand to Harry's cheek, caressing softly.

Harry knew why Louis was acting like this. He had just snorted a line of cocaine, and he was most definitely still high from it. Cocaine makes you very confident, talkative, and euphoric, so Harry wasn't going to exactly take everything Louis says right now to heart.

Harry laughed, removing Louis' hand from his cheek.

"Thank you, Lou." Harry said, his dimples showing. Louis smiled, leaning in to kiss Harry's cheek. He then changed his position, straddling Harry's thighs, and placing his hands on Harry's shoulders.

"I also really like your curly, soft hair, baby boy." Louis said, lifting his eyebrows. he then slid his hands into Harry's hair, slightly scratching at his scalp causing Harry to shut his eyes and lean into Louis, placing his head on his shoulder.

"And your really cute ears. Is that weird, baby?" He said, shifting one of his hands over to the side of Harry's head, playing with his ear. Harry laughed a bit, moving away from Louis' hands.

"Lou, you're high." Harry said, still laughing as he placed both of his palms on Louis' cheeks, shaking him around a bit.

"Woah there," Louis said, getting dizzy from Harry's movements, crawling off of his lap. He sat beside Harry, turning his head to look at him.

"How often do you do this, Lou?" Harry asked. He wanted to be upset about this, but he couldn't bring himself to be. Louis was just acting so cute right now, Harry couldn't think straight. He's sure that in the morning his feelings will change about the matter, though.

"Uhh, just a bit, a couple times a month, week, year, I don't know-" Louis blabbered. Harry got absolutely nothing from that, but he decided he would just ask him again tomorrow. Silence soon fell over the room as Louis sat next to Harry, starring at the black TV. 

"Can I play with your hair, love?" Louis said, breaking the silence with a turn of the head, motioning for Harry to place his head on his lap. Louis' eyes were fluttering shut, only a bit of the reddish-blue visible to Harry. Harry smiled, standing up and heading for the TV.

"What are you doing, nancy-boy?" Louis said, faintly smiling at Harry from next to the DVD player.

"I'm putting on a movie. Then I will let you play with my hair, Lou." Harry said, turning back around to find a movie to play. He found a classic movie, Peter Pan, and placed it in the DVD player. He stood back up, sitting on the edge of the couch before removing his shoes and looking back to Louis.

Louis had a huge smile on his face, looking at the TV.

"Harry, it's me! I'm Peter Pan! And you're.. you're Wendy. Because you have curly hair, just like her." Louis said, smiling and pointing at the TV.

Harry laughed, laying down and placing his head on Louis lap. Louis immediately intertwined his fingers into Harry's hair, causing Harry to sigh with content. Harry smiled to himself, nuzzling his cheek into Louis' thigh. 

"Love this, Lou." Harry whispered to himself, closing his eyes and falling asleep with Louis' fingers playing in his hair, hoping Louis' ears didn't catch what fell from his lips.


	9. Admiration

Louis' eyelids lifted open, the feeling of static on his numb hand bothering him. He was tucked under Harry's embrace, his hand left under Harry's huge torso, as his other hand lay flat on the younger boys bum. Louis smiled to himself, Harry's warmth making him feel more comfortable than he has felt for years now. Harry's hands were wrapped around Louis' waist, his face buried into the crook of Louis' neck, still asleep. Louis removes his hand, which causes Harry to stir around, opening his eyes as well.

Harry's eyes widened as he quickly removed himself from Louis' embrace, standing up from his couch. He watched Louis' mouth form into a smirk, stretching on the couch as Harry sat back down, on the far end of the couch. 

Harry rubbed his eyes, wondering how him and the older boy ended up falling asleep. He didn't know if they were going to discuss this or not. He really hoped the answer would be 'or not'.

"Uh.. Are you hungry?" Harry said, attempting to rid the two of the upcoming awkward conversation.

"Yeah," Louis breathed, smiling over to Harry at the end of the couch. Harry smiled to himself, standing up and making his way to the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" Louis called. Louis didn't have much food in his house, so he was going to offer if Harry wanted to go out and get something with him.

"Making something for us. Just stay there, I'll call you in when I finish." Harry said. Louis heard the sound of glassware and steaming food, smiling to himself as he got up from the couch and headed to the bathroom to wash his face.

Once Louis returned, he was welcomed by a table set with 2 plates of eggs and toast, and a quiet Harry. 

When Louis sat down, Harry kept his eyes on his plate, avoiding any and all eye-contact. He watched as Harry pushed the eggs around, but not eating them. Louis wondered why he was so quite, although he felf like he wasn't comfortable enough with Harry to ask. Instead, he asked about his plans.

"Don't you have school today?" Louis asked, beginning to munch on his buttered toast.

"Skipping," Harry answered simply, looking up for just a moment before dropping his head to the food once again. That was all Louis needed to ask Harry what was wrong.

"What's going on? You seem down." Louis asked. He felt the urge to slide his hand across the table to comfort Harry's, but he stopped himself before he could.

"Uh, it's nothing. Don't worry about it. How's the eggs?" Harry questioned, clearly trying to change the subject. Louis frowned, raising his eyebrows.

"You wouldn't know." He stated, the sass clear in his voice. The loud noise of silverware against glass surprised Louis' ears, along with an angry Harry leaving the table and walking into the living room before taking a seat on the long couch, his head in his hands. Louis knew that what he said was a bit too hash for the state that Harry was in, but what could Louis say; he wasn't a very patient person.

He suddenly felt guilty though, considering all that Harry has been through these past couple days. He got up and made his way to the living room and sat next to Harry on the sofa, placing his hand on Harry's knee, rubbing it in a comforting way.

"Babe," Louis whispered, just loud enough for Harry to hear. Louis didn't like seeing him upset. He didn't like how Harry hid his face when he was feeling insecure, upset, or uncomfortable. He tries his best to see those beautiful dimples as much as possible.

"I'm- I'm sorry, Lou, I'm sorry I-," Harry whimpered, frustration taking over him as he furiously wiped his eyes. "I, ugh, Louis, I hate crying, I'm sorry, I -." That's when Louis knew that it didn't matter how well he knew Harry, or how comfortable they were with each other. He knew that he had to help Harry in every way possible, and he didn't quite know why. Forgetting every thought that he had before, Louis wrapped his arm around Harry's shoulders, pulling Harry's head toward his chest. Harry sat there, his arms wrapped around Louis small body as he sobbed in his chest.

"No, no, baby, you don't need to be sorry about anything, I'm sorry, It's my fault, just tell me whats wrong baby boy." Louis said, brushing Harry's hair back off of his forehead. Harry sniffled before pulling away from Louis.

"It's just- I just really miss Libby, and feel like shit for leaving her there." Harry said, wiping the water from under his eyes. Louis felt bad for Harry, because he knew exactly what he was going through. When Louis got kicked out of his house, he also had to leave all of his sisters. He has never seen them since.

"Harry, I can take you there baby, to see her, it's alright, you can just go back to see her." Louis said, trying to calm Harry with a soothing voice.

Tears sprung in Harry's eyes once again. "I can't, that's the problem.. She won't- she won't let me see her, that bitch-"

"Then we will go when shes not around." Louis said, stopping Harry mid-sentence. Harry questioned what he meant, while Louis placed his hands on both of Harry's cheeks, wiping the remaining wetness from under them. "We can go while shes at school, or daycare, whichever one. We can sign her out and take her out for the day. Together. Today if you want, since you're not going to school." Louis said, giving Harry a small smile.

"But I have work later-"

"Yeah, so do I. Lets go soon so that we can drop her off back at school before we have to head to work." Louis answered, smiling before leaning in to kiss his forehead. Harry smiled slightly, closing his eyes in content, "Thank you, Lou," he breathed, before Louis pulled away from him.

"You know I love when you call me that, Hazzie." Louis smiled, his thumbs still caressing Harry's cheeks. 

Harry smiled, "What was that, Tomlinson?" There it was, Louis thought. That smile that he has been longing to see. It finally made its appearance. Louis smiled to himself, knowing that whatever he had done had worked.

"What? Hazzie?" Louis said, the same old Louis Tomlinson smirk playing on his face. Harry nodded, blushing a bit. Whenever Harry got embarrassed, he tended to hide his face from anyone and everyone. Louis bit his lip, placing his pointer finger under Harry's chin, lifting his face up.

"Don't hide, darling," Louis whispered, "Love seeing you all flushed like this." Harry dug his head into Louis shoulder, laughing a bit out of embarrassment, then pulling up to face Louis, awaiting his response.

"Oh, the name? It's just another one that I will be adding to my list, nancy-boy."

***

Harry tried to put on his tightest jeans; black, with a slight rips at the knees (which Harry tried to cover up by successfully putting black duck tape over them), doing a little dance with his hips in the process. When he finally got them on and secure, he slipped on his black Ramones t-shirt and left the bathroom.

He unconsciously walked to Louis bedroom, noticing that the door was closed. While opening the door, he started to speak, but stopped himself instantly. The view in front of him was way too mind-consuming to actually form coherent words.

What he saw was magnificent, extravagant, striking, purely majestic.

Louis' bare body, covered in nothing but a tight, thin pair of black boxer briefs. Harry couldn't take his eyes off of the small, tan boy in front of him. He watched in awe as Louis leaned forward to pick out a shirt from the top drawer; how the boxers stretched with the movement, outlining him bum perfectly. Louis then "accidentally" dropped the shirt on the ground, causing Harry's eyes to leave his head just a bit.

"Oops." Louis said, casually bending over to pick up the shirt, circling his hips just enough to get Harry to feel as if he has reached the gates of heaven.

Harry licked his lips and continued staring at his bum, completely engrossed in the boy in front of him. This was too much. Much too much for Harry to handle. Harry could barley handle seeing the beautiful body part in Louis' long skinny jeans. Now, this? No, just no.

"You know, I would let you touch, if you'd like." Louis whispered seductively, and Harry may have felt like he died a little inside. Maybe. 

Harry coughed awkwardly and started to leave the room, backing up into the wall behind him. "Uh-I'm just- I'll wait out here until you're done," he stammered, cheeks tinged red.


End file.
